Lemon Drop
by LastRain
Summary: Love was always this bitter, painful, and with the scent of betrayal. [NaruSasu]
1. Chapter 1

Toxic Perfume

Prologue-

This love has become an obsession. Like a obstinate addiction that would never quite go away. It eats away at me, slowly but steadily, crawling into my insides until I break down completely. Because loving him was an essential, and life itself would never be the same without this sensation. This feeling of utter despair and a vague fear, it made me wonder if I was really living inside a nightmare. It was irrational, but existing firmly.

Days after days, waiting for him to come back to me, come back to the place he was supposed to be hours ago. It makes me restless to think he was with someone else once again. It was a repetitive act of betrayal, and anger would overtake me every time I smell another's cologne on his body.

I suppress this fury and act oblivious, but self-control would only stretch this far. I wasn't a pushover, far from it. I would never allow this behavior to happen, times after times again if it were another. But he was different, he didn't need me the way I needed him. Not even a milli-fraction in comparison.

Losing him meant the end of my world. The world I envisioned, dreamed, had, has nothing but him as the lone essential. Because other matters become minuscule in comparison, and his every word, every action, would become the sole reason for this world's existence. I was his from the very beginning. To play, to use, and to shatter over and over again.

Often, in the darkness of my room, I imagined giving up. Letting him go would be so much easier, and this wound would eventually heal over time. His actions would no longer reach me, and thus make this pain cease in intensity. But it wasn't so easy to comply, because even subconsciously, he hold the ties to every string of my insides, twisting it and pulling at the fiber of my heart.

The firm and deep sound of footsteps resounding in the hallway signaled his presence. It was the sound of his footsteps alone that I can identify in an instant. It was a slow pace, deep and haunting.

When the door suddenly banged open against the thin wall of our apartment, I tensed and quickly searched for his form in the darkness. The familiar smell of alcohol and smoke grates on my nostrils, a piercing scent that drives me to the point of insanity every time.

"Naruto... Where have you been?" I ask him, my gaze were probably penetrating, because he looks at me with disdain, and I feel like dying.

He looked tired, and the dark circle around his eyes told me he hasn't slept in a while."Does it matter?" He shoved me away and moved for the bed. I didn't do anything as I stared at his back, broad and far, far away from me. The moon made our bed look strangely dismal, and the picture of him taking off his clothes gave me goosebumps. It was an uncanny feeling of dejection, like my existence was nothing but a nuisance to him.

"It's 2 o'clock." I said quietly, afraid to anger him. My eyes avoided his when he looked at me with indifference. This same, cold, indifferent stare...

"Go to sleep Sasuke." He didn't say anything else as his eyes slowly slid shut. All I can hear was the thumping of his heart, and the breaking of my own when I smelled the same cologne of another on his body. Musky, bitter, and the scent of betrayal...

This tear of utter torment was a daily necessity to maintain my self restraint. It was impossible to stay sane and still bare to smile that same carefree smile when my heart feels like it is being torn. By this devastatingly handsome man, and this haunting solace.

"_Beep_"

"_Beep_"

"_Beep_"

The red digital letters read 9:00. My hands felt like a thousand ton when I tried to turn it off with failed attempts over and over again.

The warmth beside me shifted, and I searched frantically for his body amidst the heavy blankets. When my eyes located the tanned perfection, and the golden locks under the covers, my heart jumped.

He opened his eyes, the stunning blue I fell in love with greeted me with annoyance. My face fell when he frowned and turned back to sleep, like I was the air, transparent and non-existent. I forgot the incessant beeping of the alarm clock beside me, and felt dejection well up inside me all over again.

"Can you please shut it off?" _pause_, "it's annoying." This level of impatience made me wonder if he's really talking to me. Because it sounds so foreign it's almost frightening.

"I'm sorry." It seems like all I can do is to apologize. This weak, indignant self I never thought existed in me before. Like a slave begging for forgiveness even though I did nothing wrong.

He ignored me and went back to sleep. My hands slammed on the snooze button, startling even myself by my outburst. He turned to look at me, with surprise and disdain on his flawless face. I looked away from his eyes, and slowly got up to get dressed.

Hours passed, and I flicked channel after channel on the 51-inch plasma screened TV located in the living room. I'm_ looking_ at the different colorful pictures presented before my eyes, but all I can see are blurred images of nothingness. The sound of the shower being turned on signaled his awakening, and _hope_ once again filled me whole.

It was something I go through everyday, hoping he would change his attitude towards me even just a little bit. If things could go back to the way it were before, and I once again become his only, if I could do something to keep his heart securely locked, if only... Nothing I said mattered anymore, because this cold reality haunts me with the images of vivid clarity. Reality is always this somber, with bitterness and the magnificence of dreams in comparison.

When mist pour from the bathroom, and the fresh scent of shampoo hit my nose, I realized he was going out today. I vaguely remember him telling me about a conference meeting he had that afternoon, and I wince when I sensed dishonesty in his tone.

Which one of his lovers is he seeing today? I wonder.

When he walked out of the bathroom, with only a towel wrapped around his waist, I couldn't help but be blown away by his perfection all over again. His tanned skin, well rounded even in the most of areas that I become suspicious of the naturalness even myself, to his perfectly masculine form. Blond hair that almost looks gold in the sunlight, and the stunning blue eyes that contrast perfectly with his skin. Is perfection really non-existent? It was the question I'm faced with every time I marvel at his physics.

He strip naked in front of me, and begin getting dressed in his normal clothes. I watch him with pain, because it will be another to touch him. To ran their fingers through his locks, and to kiss that perfectly sculptured lips, and to break me from point one.

I bit my lips, so hard I can vaguely taste the metallic taste of my own blood. I watched with my blank eyes, as he sprayed his expensive cologne on his body, and ran his fingers through his hair to make the style. He looked just as good as normal, and sometimes I wondered how many people he's managed to tempt with that dazzling smile. My heart constricted when I remembered I will be alone once again.

"Naruto!" I called out to him as he was about to walk out the door, this desperation is probably laughable. "where are you going?" My voice sounds breathless, and with every intake of breath, the disdain on his face increases.

"Ah... I'm going out today. Don't wait up for me." He turned around to face me, even though he didn't answer my question. Slowly he turned his back to me and walked out, every step, it felt like I would lose him forever.

"I love you..." My voice never sounded this weak. It never sounded this powerless. But when his eyes would turn indifferent at the sound of my voice, I feel like no matter how much I call out to him, he would never answer. It felt like no matter how firmly I tried to hold on, he would break away somehow. To trample on my heart over and over again...

_Naruto... I love you..._

tbc...

A/N: I don't think I made Sasuke sound clingy enough, and Naruto wasn't the way I imagined him to be. If you like this, then I will put more angst in this.

I'll try to update soon, but quality is always more important. Gaara and Kakashi should appear in the next chapter, but who knows...


	2. Chapter 2

Lemon Drop

**Chapter 2:**

It felt like an eon has passed since the first time I met him. Yet the image of him sitting there, waiting for me with that haunting magnificence still hunts me with vivid clarity. That broad back, strong, solid, and with the feeling of infinite pride, was the first thing that attracted me to this man. And as he turned around to face me, it felt like I lost the battle against love right there.

His eyes didn't look like they belonged to him, because I never knew any human could have that haunting blue eyes, they stare at you with an infinite space behind them. You sink in, and when you try to get out, it drown you with it's deepness. I loved everything that surrounded this man, his presence that's like the sun. But maybe I should have known, I wasn't the only one who fell for his magnificence.

It wasn't even solely about his looks, it was this charisma that I fell for. This power that surrounds him was comforting and gives me the feeling of security. The way he talks, layered with humor and meaningful replies. It felt like I was mesmerized by his every word, every action, and even his scent. Masculine, intoxicating...

Sakura was the one who introduced us, but if I knew I would fall in love so quick, I would never have come. Because instant love will only ingrain mistakes, and giving up everything for him, in the end, was my downfall.

* * *

"_Kakashi-sensei, I'm meeting with a friend, I won't be back tonight."_

It was an unstoppable urge to see him every single night, endless.

"_Alright."_

And yet, Kakashi never opposed to my decisions. Maybe he knew Naruto would hurt me one day, it was something I never even thought was possible back then. But Kakashi had known, he knew and he didn't stop me.

Kakashi was the only one to have ever loved me, unconditionally. He was the only one to shower me with endless kindness that sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve him.

I was scared to meet his eyes. They were always filled with frustration and despair. It was something I never dealt well with, disappointment. Kakashi would look at me with the sad glint in his eyes that told me all his hopes have vanished. His hope of attaining me, along with my heart, all gone.

"_Goodbye."_

The words were layered with a strange kind of finality in them. I didn't even know why I had used such serious word, "goodbye..." but I did. Maybe it signaled something, maybe I had known, instinctively, that he had already figured out my obsession.

Kakashi didn't stop me as I walked away, and I never doubted once, that I wasn't running away from him. I knew I was, always running away. Kakashi knew I was, so he let me go. He was setting me free. Because in the end, the best love in the world is letting go. It was hurting him, and he had to continuously persuade himself that letting go was the right choice. If he had another option, I know he would hold onto me without ever letting go. But Kakashi wanted me to find my happiness. By losing his own...

He didn't say anything else as I walked away from the strangely barren room. And as the door slowly clicked shut, Kakashi also didn't hear my voice calling out to him. The hurt in his eyes, made me want to kill myself.

"_I'm sorry..."_

He didn't even try to listen, because it was already decided, in the end, I chose Naruto above everything else.

"_I'm sorry."_

I didn't love him, I never did. It was always Naruto...

* * *

It has been 6 months and 11 days since I moved in with Naruto. And my heart has died for six months, eleven days.

When I walked home from the diner, and as I stood in front of the door, a bad feeling crawls inside me. Today, and only today, the entrance to our apartment seemed strangely dismal. It was a bad omen I felt, even on the way back. And I had contradicted, the more logical part of my brain telling me it was something unpreventable. But I had wondered why it was only that day, that I felt like every ounce of my happiness was being drawn from me.

Even as I turned the knob to the forever unlocked door, my heart thumped. It was an irrational feeling, but I felt it. And as the door slowly slid open, the normal scent of fresh laundry and air freshener didn't hit my sense in waves. Instead, they were the scent of a foreign perfume. My mind didn't have time to think, because the scent penetrated my entire body that I was almost on the verge of insanity.

The scent wasn't sickeningly sweet, nor was it the cheap never changing body perfume of other's you would smell on a crowded bus. It was an exotic scent that pounded my brain.

It was the same scent of another I would smell on Naruto everyday he came back from work.

I panicked. I stood in the door way, trying to find the person whose scent it belonged to, but the apartment was devastatingly empty. I wasn't even aware of my own desperation as I ran towards our shared bedroom, and with every step taken, my world threatens to crumble down.

When I slammed open the bedroom door, a form was laying on the bed. The slender frame didn't belong to Naruto, and the perfume was almost overwhelming by the doorway. I stared at the unflinching form, sleeping soundly on _my_ bed, not even aware of the presence of another. At that moment, I didn't feel anger anymore.

Realization dawned on me like a slow time bomb, and with every second, I braced for the explosion. Tears spilled, I didn't even know I was crying until I felt the wetness on my neck. My tears was warm at first, but it cools down until it feels almost freezing. Just like every passing second of the state of my heart.

I should have felt anger, I should have felt betrayal, I should have felt the unstoppable urge to kill. But I didn't. Because at that moment, all that's going through my head was death, and this unbearable pain that penetrates my soul. It was the wound only Naruto could inflict, and only this wound alone will never heal.

When I slumped on the cool, hard, floor, the body on the bed shifted. I didn't even flinch as the person sat up, his ember green eyes meeting my own with indifference. Without any surprise or even awkwardness on his face, he just stared at me with his pair of cruel, naked eyes. His hair, was the color of blood. A white, over sized shirt barely covered his nude body, and through the little exposure on his chest, I can see kiss marks, clearly, screaming at me.

He saw my tears, he saw the devastating look in my eyes, and he smiled. It's as if he's telling me, "_I won_". He really looked like a child, smiling innocently and sweetly. I can see why Naruto is infatuated with him. And I hated myself for never being able to compete in the first place.

When the door to the shower opened, and Naruto stepped out with ease on his face. I wanted to hide from him. It was strange, it felt like, subconsciously, that I had intruded their moment. Why is it that I can't seem to summon the courage to face him? I wonder... Although I demanded an explanation, I don't think I'll be strong enough to take the truth.

I didn't think he noticed I was there at first, but even when he did, there wasn't an ounce of surprise on his face. Naruto simply looked at me coldly, and I shivered. I was powerless, I couldn't do anything, I never felt so worthless.

Naruto walked over to the bed, and the stranger got up to wrap his arms around Naruto's neck. His slender things rubbed against Naruto's hips, and they acted like I wasn't even there. The actions was done with sensuality, and Naruto never felt so gentle. His hands grazed against the stranger's waist, and then legs. But strangely, non of that angered me. It was the loving way Naruto looked at him, that made me want to die.

When their lips met, right in front of my eyes, that was the last string of my sanity. I swore I vaguely heard the shattering sound within my brain. And the pain was so great no amount of words, no amount of time, can heal this wound. It will forever remain inside of me, fresh and vividly, painful, bitter, and infinitely...

_His_ eyes were looking at me even as he kissed Naruto. It was a kind of challenging stare that was meant to provoke me. He wanted to see me snap, he wanted to see me break down over the man he already owned. But he didn't need to do that, because I already have. I have been broken a long time ago...

As they broke apart, Naruto only looked at him alone. His eyes never reverted from that painfully beautiful male kneeling in front of him. It was the kind of look he used to only give me at first. And I couldn't feel the beat of my own heart anymore.

"Naruto..." My voice sounded so weak, it felt like I would never reach him.

He just looked at me. There was no reply, there was no answer to this unasked question. He didn't say anything to this betrayal. He didn't even try to explain himself. It's like he's telling me this is the way it is, and I couldn't change that no matter.

"...why?" He saw my tears, both of them saw. But none of them did anything. It was a simple fact I had to live with, Naruto wasn't mine.

My knees didn't feel like they were strong enough to support my body weight at all, but I had to get up. I can't lose any more pride in front of them as it is. My body felt like they were going through intense starvation and famine, because I never felt so weak in my life. And as I leaned on the wall for support, my brain doesn't seem to be functioning at all.

Naruto and him were both still looking at me, they were trying to see what I'm going to do next. And I know I had to get out of there, I can't stand the smell of his perfume, I can't stand the way Naruto looked at everything with indifference except for him.

But my head felt so heavy, the sudden dizziness made me lose my balance. As I fell towards the floor, I wanted Naruto to catch me. I wanted him to catch me with everything that still remains in this relationship. But he didn't, and I hit the floor with the last bit of my consciousness, telling him,

"I love you."

As my eyes slowly slid shut, all I can see was Naruto's indifferent eyes staring right back at me. They were filled with the usual disdain that kills me. And I couldn't do anything as my voice get smaller, my world blanketed in a pitch darkness. And the last iota that remains of my heart flickered, then disappeared.

_I love you_

* * *

When I woke up, I was still on the floor where I fainted eons ago. My whole body was freezing. I thought I would die in my sleep, but I didn't. I no longer know whether that's good or bad. Because death seems so much easier.

The scent of his perfume still faintly lingers in the air, and with every intake of breath, it feels like it's killing me softly. I ran out, the painful release from the apartment's warm air was almost soothing. Yet with all the tiredness induced in my body, I never stopped. When fatigue made it's presence known, I noticed I wasn't wearing my jacket in the November air.

But it hardly matters, nothing matters anymore. I wandered aimlessly in the city streets, with an intent in finding solace. But my chest would ache with every inhale, and all else has become numb. Other than my heart beat, everything within my body has ceased to feel.

When I stood in front of the familiar door, I didn't even know where I was. The interior looked so familiar, but yet I could not recall where I had seen this scenery before. When my legs give out beneath me, and I once again met the ground without much dignity, I then recognized the place. It was Kakashi's apartment. I had lived here for over 3 years, and yet the six months spent with Naruto replaced all my memories from before.

I leaned on the back of the door trying to support my body, and yet all that's going through my head was that pair of naked eyes, his hauntingly beautiful face, and Naruto's lips on his. The blood colored hair of his and the way he looks at everything with an intensity. Nothing rivaled with him...

I couldn't win against him no matter what, and I know that. It's only a matter of time before Naruto decides to abandon me completely. Abandon me for that brutally beautiful male.

The smooth hard wood texture of the door was like I remembered it to be. When my hand rasped on the door a few times, there was a shuffle inside the house. I suppressed the tears as best as I could, and waited for Kakashi to get the door. It felt like eternity passed until the door was finally opened, and the warm breeze of home hit me in waves.

Kakashi stood in the door way, and his features hadn't changed at all. He was still the way I remembered. Every inch, every curve, every shade of his complexion remained the same. And I was thankful Kakashi was still Kakashi even though I'm no longer myself.

In his eyes, am I still his Sasuke?

When he looked at me with that unreadable expression on his face without surprise at all. Like he knew I would go to him in the end after all. I felt rejection well up inside me. Will Kakashi leave me as well? I was so afraid, so tired, so weak... I can only look at him, helpless as he ponders my purpose, standing in front of his door way. _He didn't want me anymore..._

Two seconds passed, and I thought I might die. But I didn't. Kakashi pulled me back in his arms. So suddenly I almost lost my breath. And all I can feel was his breath against my neck, and his hands burning on my back. It was a heart breaking hug, and he just held onto my waist like it was all he could do. He held onto me with the forever understanding of pain and betrayal, like he had experience them himself.

His simple embrace saved me. Saved me from everything that might have happened if he were to let go for a few seconds. And his embrace was still so warm, so breath taking, so strong. It felt like just by being there, in his arms, I would be saved from everything from that point on.

He still wanted me. His embrace told me he still wanted me in his life even after all my abandonment. He didn't care if I'm someone else's play toy, he didn't care if I still loved Naruto with all the fibers of my soul. He didn't care even if he wasn't my number one. Because in his eyes, he's telling me he will become my only. And I'll be silently awaiting that day to come as well.

He didn't loosen a fraction of his hold on me, it's like I'll disappear with the simplest touch. I wanted to reassure him I'm not going anywhere any more, but nothing I do could reach him. He held onto me so tight, this heart breaking hug...

"Sasuke," his voice made me want to cry. The way he would whisper my name, like it was the most precious thing in the world.

"I don't care even if you still love him." He gently assured me. His voice was so soft, so quiet, I had to strain my ears to hear. His small voice calling out to me. And with that one sentence, I cried. They were the tears of indescribable comfort and relief.

"And I know I can't compete," he sounded dejected. His voice was sullen and pained. "But I'll keep on trying. To become your number one." He was so sure that it sounded almost ridiculous. And I can only cry harder at his attempts over and over again.

Kakashi didn't say he wanted to heal my heart. He didn't say he can stop me from hurting. Because we all know he can't. No matter how much he tried, how much I tried, the wound will always be there.

Instead, he told me he'll replace Naruto. He told me he'll become my number one, and I didn't doubt that once. Because in his heart, I never did stop becoming _his_ number one. At that moment, I hated myself for loving someone else other than this painfully gentle person.

Love isn't something you can let go of so easily. Even though I want to stop loving Naruto, even though I want to hate him with everything, but I know, in the end, I can't... He was like my forever obsession to ponder, admire, and love. Yet with all the countless passing hours that he hurt me deeper than any blade possibly could, he was still my obsession. This love didn't decrease in intensity, not even by a milli-fraction more. He still harbors within my heart, taking the irreplaceable, preponderance part of myself.

I'm so pitiful. And I'm also so apathetic. To love one, and to want another's comfort at the same time. Is Kakashi just still a replacement in my heart? Is he just a temporary solace I seek? Even subconsciously, is Kakashi still just a second place all along? I'm the worst. To use, and then to throw away. I can only begin to hate myself as Kakashi held onto my hand, staying by me as I slowly drift to sleep.

When unconsciousness took over, I lost all sense of where I belonged. In my dream, Naruto was still the larger majority of my happiness. Like the infinite prickle in my heart whenever I remembered his smile. _'I still loved him...'_

tbc...

* * *

**A/N:** holy crap, I made Sasuke sound like the antagonist...

While reading through this, I can only say what I would do differently if I were in Sasuke's position. But to tell the truth, if it _really_ were to happen to me, I wouldn't know what I'll do. And anyone who thinks they can just act indifferent and walk away is in denial.

I have never experienced such things like love or betrayal, so my descriptions might be very lacking. I think I'm over exaggerating everyone's reactions...

I'll try to keep the updates between minimum gap, but who can grantee I'll have the inspiration? I'm very sorry for my long delayed update, but I'm just not getting the...'mood'. And I'm trying to work on a big project for 2008, also a Naruto fic. If you enjoyed my two pieces so far, please be sure to check out the fic I'm going to put up next. It is a combined genre of everything I have experienced as a human and also as a writer. I'm planning to make it my master piece. :D


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